You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
