broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
