Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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