It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
