I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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