dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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