3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
