I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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