Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
