I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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