What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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