3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
