Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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