Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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