I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
