Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
