My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
