i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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