Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize