you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
