new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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