Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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