I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
