Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so let's talk penis.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
