I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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