He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
