I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.