the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.