Texts From Last Night

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  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7983) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him

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  (614): Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him http://tfl.nu/w6qf
  Replies (19) Good night (5245) Bad night (1172)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend

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  (908): it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend http://tfl.nu/ha54
  Replies (6) Good night (3046) Bad night (687)
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  (707): View more from California

  She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.

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  (707): She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love. http://tfl.nu/is4u
  Replies (17) Good night (4749) Bad night (980)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

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  (414): czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw. http://tfl.nu/4g8m
  Replies (7) Good night (1774) Bad night (877)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.

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  (570): No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am. http://tfl.nu/layb
  Replies (6) Good night (1931) Bad night (622)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (3112) Bad night (1176)
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  (310): View more from California

  I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.

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  (310): I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life. http://tfl.nu/7e69
  Replies (7) Good night (743) Bad night (2205)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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  (501): If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame. http://tfl.nu/x1of
  Replies (16) Good night (887) Bad night (1923)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?

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  (321): let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal? http://tfl.nu/87r8
  Replies (11) Good night (1014) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five

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  (703): Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow (703): I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five http://tfl.nu/rklf
  Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"

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  (229): He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets" http://tfl.nu/6jbp
  Replies (2) Good night (1249) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.

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  (775): I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box. http://tfl.nu/0vry
  Replies (2) Good night (313) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.

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  (901): he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there. http://tfl.nu/fd7u
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.

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  (727): Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night. http://tfl.nu/kpjy
  Replies (0) Good night (180) Bad night (365)

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