Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.