when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
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Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.