I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you