it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.