Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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  (845): oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call. http://tfl.nu/l86s
  Replies (13) Good night (627) Bad night (2311)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.

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  (401): Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face. http://tfl.nu/uer3
  Replies (61) Good night (1076) Bad night (4378)
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  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7402) Bad night (853)
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  (754): View more from Florida

  He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

  (954): View more from Florida

  In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

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  (754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da
  Replies (100) Good night (1410) Bad night (8169)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.

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  (516): The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone. http://tfl.nu/jz14
  Replies (19) Good night (3680) Bad night (1469)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4626) Bad night (998)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem

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  (207): he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem http://tfl.nu/s9hf
  Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (2921)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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  (586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp
  Replies (13) Good night (1334) Bad night (1943)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.

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  (540): I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish. http://tfl.nu/1i5o
  Replies (8) Good night (1029) Bad night (547)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends

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  (309): My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends http://tfl.nu/blvs
  Replies (3) Good night (1301) Bad night (411)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy

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  (701): All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy http://tfl.nu/indb
  Replies (5) Good night (349) Bad night (522)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.

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  (806): I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism. http://tfl.nu/hgk9
  Replies (3) Good night (624) Bad night (224)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.

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  (937): It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick. http://tfl.nu/017k
  Replies (3) Good night (435) Bad night (384)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Spopky scrzy skeletonssz

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  (615): I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET. (865): Spopky scrzy skeletonssz http://tfl.nu/c8hh
  Replies (5) Good night (599) Bad night (226)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?

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  (870): I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more? http://tfl.nu/o5o8
  Replies (3) Good night (352) Bad night (124)

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