so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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