She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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