So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
