How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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