I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
