I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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