Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
