She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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