i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
