You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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