Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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