im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
