i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
