There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
