would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
