can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You don't make any sense
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