You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i will never coherently bang her
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
