is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
