Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
