She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize