If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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