There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
