Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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