I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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