I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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