Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
