When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
