when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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