i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
