He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
