Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
